Howdidoodle? As we bid adieu to 2023, let’s reflect on my oh-so-quiet Christmas. With only four of us at the dinner table, historically I have tended to cook for 10-14! I vaguely heard compliments about the feast I prepared—though, let's be honest, I aced it in the kitchen, even getting Fin to enjoy baked leek and egg for starter. Move over, Gordon Ramsay; there's a new culinary maestro in town!
Now, imagine my excitement when I woke up early one morning, ready to strut my stuff at the breast clinic, only to receive the ultimate curveball – my appointment cancelled due to staff sickness. But hey, instead of wallowing in disappointment, I took a luxurious bath and pondered life's mysteries. Note to self: bubble baths solve everything on apar with a nice cup of tea!
My holiday escapades were not confined to the bathroom. Oh no! I embarked on a journey of productivity that would make even the Energizer Bunny applaud. Brace yourselves for my holiday achievements, all accomplished while rocking my favourite pyjamas with regular rests as breathing is still something my body is being a bit crap about. The following is a week of hard toil not my usual whirlwind of a day:
1. Electrifying Endeavours: I successfully rewired 2 sockets, an oven, and a hob in the kitchen, with zero help from the four 18-19year old men watching me struggle! A hobless existence is no way to live, my friends. Take that, home improvement gods! I did then have to go get more inhalers as they had run out and I was pretty sure I would make it through the night without!
2. Bathroom Brilliance: I tackled the dreaded bathroom cleanup, because who doesn't love a room that sparkles? Instant results are the best kind, even if the process involves a bit of elbow grease. The crazy part was… we started to fix the toilet before Christmas as it honked louder than a goose in season, the parts we got were wrong, the new parts didn’t arrive when they should have and so until today; when the lovely Nadia came to the rescue, we have been flushing with buckets of water for a week!
3. Kitchen Capers: My kitchen went from chaotic to spotless, with help from the kind ex-husband in my life, Edward. Cupboards were cleaned, culinary chaos was conquered, and my inner neat freak did a victory dance. Oh how I wish I could make the whole house neat, tidy and clean… but then would it be like home or hotel?
4. Plant Parenthood: I watered my legion of plants, because apparently, having a small jungle in both the living room and dining room is a thing. Green thumbs? Try green hands, Shain is a little unsure why we have so many plants? I guess breathing would be even harder without them helping cycle the air! Just need to keep the pretty little things alive.
5. Cardboard Crusade: I gathered enough cardboard to build a fort. Just kidding, maybe? – a friend swooped in, decluttering hero style, and hauled it all away. Who knew cardboard could be so liberating?
6. Mundane Mastery: Laundry, dishes, and other mundane tasks fell under my superhero-like efficiency. Watch out, Avengers; I'm coming for your gig.
7. Fish Fiesta: I treated my aquatic pals to a spa day by cleaning two fish tanks and installing a bubble curtain. Those fish have never been happier. Who knew they were bubble enthusiasts? Makes me smile every time I see them playing about, they have so much energy.
8. Festival Frenzy: Drumroll, please! I booked tickets to Leeds Festival in August, setting it as my target for a comeback. If I need to roll up in a campervan with disabled access, so be it. Festivals, here I come!
As I bask in the glory of my achievements, there's still a bed to finish changing and the promise of a head-first dive into clean sheets to welcome in the new year. I can already picture myself halfway through the job, tangled in sheets, toes peeking out, and a mischievous kitten attempting acrobatics on me. Classic me!
Tiredness might be trying to rain on my parade, but fear not, I'm ready to face whatever 2024 throws my way. A massive shoutout to my incredible friends and family who've been my support system through these weeks of uncertainty and had better bloody carry on as I’m feeling a useless right now, just the thought of walking to the car to drive to the shop is daunting at this time. I have been invited to do things with others but had to say no as I just need to rest in preparation for what comes next…
Here's to a 2024 filled with appointments, humour, hope, and a clean bill of health for all of us. And remember, if you ever need a canine companion for a walk, my dogs are at your service. Let's make it a year to remember, filled with joy. Cheers to us!