A lot of people do not see the detrimental effects that having a long-term health condition has on mental health and general wellbeing.
I acknowledge this blog set out to be about my Lymphoma but that is not the only disorder I have to deal with. Since childhood I have waxed and waned with asthma which in more recent times has become worse sharing respiratory malfunction with COPD. I have had fibromyalgia for over 20years and just before my cancer diagnosis I was also diagnosed with arthritis.
We tend to take our health and mobility for granted and don't expect to have debilitating problems until we become old (I have no idea what old actually means? is it a number a feeling or a state of mind?), I don't feel old but I do miss being young, care free and able to do whatever I want without having to do a risk assessment first!
So, having these disabilities, what is the consequence on my mental health and wellbeing? When you are tired all the time and struggling with fatigue, dragging yourself off to do anything is hard work, just shopping is a massive achievement, never mind work and fun stuff.
The mind is a trickster, it can release endorphins making you euphoric and playful or it can produce cortisol which in turn makes you low in mood and can even make you fat! I would say we all follow a roller-coaster of emotions triggered by these hormones within our bodies, some days we are low in mood and energy and other days we are happy, excited and raring to go.
Since diagnosis I have been going through a lot of negative emotions, the end of the world is neigh type of thread, there was no need for this and its fairly out of character for me, I can normally see the light and good in situations and people, I think having 2 debilitating diagnosis’ within 6weeks was just more than I could cope with.
I have now started to turn a corner and realised that life is still worth living, I have started swimming to build my fitness and reduce my weight, weight has been a problem for me for decades and now I have no choice but to try to decrease it to fight my other health battles, I need to be fit to work and play in an enjoyable way.
Because weight loss has been so difficult over the years it is a very emotive topic for me to try to deal with, subsequently causing additional anxiety and depression, being extremely overweight and having lymphoma lumps and bumps where there should be smooth lines makes looking in the mirror a task of its own (not done my hair or makeup for months due to this) never mind, despite how hard it is to put on a swimming costume and expose my deformed body to the world, I have!
I may not be where I want to be, I may have debilitating illnesses, I may have additional mental health issues, however; I’m ready to fight this and win! I have taken onboard that I have a number of disabilities but I have managed to move my mindset and now busy finding new ways to continue to live a full life despite all this crap.
