Stop Spending Tomorrow's Energy Today!

I appear to have developed a terrible habit of spending tomorrow’s energy today.

The problem is, tomorrow keeps bloody turning up wanting it back.

Today is Wednesday and I have appointments.

Not climbing Everest. Not running a marathon. Just getting dressed, getting myself somewhere, sitting in a chair, talking to somebody and coming home again.

Easy, surely?

Except my current energy level is hovering somewhere around phone battery on 7% with no charger in sight, so suddenly even an appointment needs budgeting for.

And apparently this is something I need to learn.

Energy budgeting.

I'm off work at the moment because I'm absolutely pooped, and one of the things I'm slowly realising is that being off sick doesn't mean I've suddenly been gifted all these lovely extra hours to get things done.

This is quite disappointing.

Because my natural instinct is to look around the house and think...

Ooh, while I'm off I could sort that cupboard.

And the clothes.

And that pile of paperwork.

And I really should give the bathroom a good clean.

And actually, while I'm at it, I could sort through that drawer that's been annoying me since approximately 2017.

NO, SARA.

Apparently this is not how resting works.

I've never been particularly good at pacing myself.

I'm much more of a:

Feel slightly better → do seventeen things → completely flatten myself → wonder why I'm exhausted kind of person.

And the annoying thing about fatigue is that sometimes you do feel a bit better.

You wake up and think, Ooh! I've got some energy today!

And instead of treating that little bit of energy like the precious commodity it currently is, you immediately spend the bloody lot.

Then you borrow a bit more.

And a bit more.

And before you know it, you've spent Thursday, half of Friday and possibly a small portion of next Tuesday.

So today's experiment is very simple:

Don't spend Thursday's energy on Wednesday.

I've got appointments today, so they get the energy.

Getting showered and dressed gets some.

Getting there gets some.

Talking, concentrating and trying to remember everything I wanted to ask gets some.

Remembering the really important question seventeen minutes after I've left the building will presumably get some too.

Then there's getting home.

And somewhere amongst all that I probably ought to reserve a little bit for feeding myself.

That's actually quite a lot when your battery isn't charging properly.

What I'm trying to learn is that if I get home and still have a tiny bit of energy left, I don't have to use it.

I don't need to immediately find a job.

I don't need to think, Well, I'm up now, I might as well put some washing on.

I don't need to clean something simply because I've noticed it needs cleaning.

I can actually sit down.

Revolutionary, I know.

And perhaps that's the bit I've never really understood about pacing.

I always thought resting was what you did after you'd done everything.

When actually, if your energy is limited, resting needs to be one of the things you plan to do.

Before you're completely wiped out.

Before your body makes the decision for you.

Before you've borrowed so much from tomorrow that tomorrow is basically cancelled.

I'm not very good at it yet.

There's every possibility I'll get a random burst of energy later and find myself halfway through reorganising a cupboard before remembering I've literally just written an entire blog telling myself not to do that.

But I'm learning.

Today doesn't need to be productive.

Today needs to get me through my appointments, fed, home and hopefully with a little bit left in the tank.

Everything else can wait.

The washing can wait.

The cupboard can definitely wait.

And whatever energy Thursday has coming to it...

I'm going to try very hard not to nick it.